Saying Goodbye
by Raelin Brianna
Summary: I'm rating it this because i want to be on the safe side because the story deals with suicide. How does Shawn react when the one girl he loved hurt and lost gives up and leaves him behind leaving secrets for him to find out after shes gone? Please R


Saying Goodbye

By Ashlyn Alexis

Started and Finished on August 21st 2004

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Boy Meets World. I also do not own Alyssa or Lindsey they own themselves. I do not own the songs the first one is "Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." by Boyz II Men The second song is an exert from "This I Swear" By Nick Lachey and the third is "When You Say Nothing at All" By Alison Krauss. The poem however I did write so that i do own and I also own Alexis. Please read and review. Also there are some prequels that are in the works for this story already so don't complain lol. Hope you enjoy and as I said, Please read and review.

Shawn went about his daily business of going to class and then going back to his dorm to do his homework or going to work if it was a day that he had to work. Life had been boring since he and Alexis had broken up and he thought about her every second of the day and he knew for a fact that he was the reason why they broke up. She did nothing but worship the ground he walked on and try to make him happy every second of the day. And admittedly she did a great job of it because he was always happy and if it was just one of those days where he needed to be pissed off or cry or something she was there to let him or listen to him vent. She was his princess, his guardian angel here on earth. She was his everything and tonight was the night he was going to make it up to her and surprise her and try and fix things between them.

Alexis sat on the floor of her private dorm room with a knife to her wrist. She just couldn't do it anymore. She didn't have Shawn anymore. She just felt like she had nothing. Her parents really never showed and interest in her even though she was the only child. Heck then you would think she would get showered with attention but nope that's not how it happened in her house. She just got shipped off to school and it was no big deal to anyone. She watched as she ran the knife over her skin and cringed as she saw the blood but she then shut her eyes and listened to her music. She thought about the note she had written her parents. The notes she had written to her friends; Topanga, Cory, Eric, Lindsey, Alyssa and Jack. She even wrote a special note to Shawn telling him that none of this was his fault and that she still loved him and she always would and she would watch over him for the rest of his life. She then sat there for awhile feeling all of her life's energy slowly seep from her body finally as it came to a point of unconsciousness.

Shawn slowly walked to Alexis's dorm with a beautiful red rose because he knew they were her favorites. She always left her dorm room open if she was around and if she wasn't then she put her "I'm gone leave a message." Sign on the door with the black marker board and the array of milky markers that she had to go with it. He went for her doorknob first because her black marker board was not on the door and when he opened the door the image he saw before him would forever be imbedded in his mind. He saw her unconscious body there on the floor as a medium sized puddle of blood lay beneath her slashed wrist. He felt to see if she still had a pulse and it was there but barely and she was still breathing but once again also barely. He then reached for her private phone and called 911 and as he sat on the phone with them he put a towel to her wrist and applied pressure to try and stop the bleeding.

The next hour went by in a blur. First the paramedics came and took her away in an ambulance and he called her parents to let them know she was in the hospital. Shawn then got into his car after packing a bag and letting the gang know what had happened and sped off to the hospital. When he got there he asked for her room number and they of course asked if he was family and he said yes I'm her boyfriend. He didn't care if at the time it was a lie because at one time it was true and if it got him in to see her he was gonna go and see her. He sat down next to her bed as the doctor came in.

"Doc?" Shawn said as he looked at the doctor

"Truthfully the next 24 hours are the most critical. She lost a lot of blood we gave her a transfusion but it might not be enough to save her. I'm sorry to say this but if she lives to see the next 24 hours then she will recover but well I don't think its going to happen." The doc said to Shawn as Shawn's eyes filled with tears.

"Thank you for taking care of her." Shawn said to him.

"It's my job now I'll leave you to be alone with her but there was an interesting thing we learned as we checked her out."

Shawn looked at the doctor curiously "what's that?"

"She was pregnant about 4 months along but from the loss of blood she lost the child also."

"Are you sure it was 4 months?" Shawn asked amazed.

"Yes." The doctor said

"Well once again thank you."

" Your very welcome." The doctor said as he walked out of the room looking back only for a second at the dark haired boy with soulful brown eyes that would sit and watch his girlfriend die before his very eyes. 

Shawn sat and watched her and listened to the beeping heart monitor that would be the only sound to fill the silent room. He watched her for hours that night. And even at one time he took his eyes off of her long enough to pull out his journal to write a poem for her that he would give her when she woke up.

_Its not a something it's a someone_

_By Shawn Hunter_

_How can I say goodbye to something so sweet and pure?_

_Something I loved more then words could explain_

_However the thing I realize is that something is not a thing._

_It's a someone_

_A someone with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen_

_A someone with the most perfect personality a guy could ask for_

_A someone that would do anything to make the people around her happy_

_How can I give that up so easily?_

_I know for a fact I can't_

_So I will fight till the very end to keep you here_

_With me_

_Because I love you_

_And will always love you_

_For the rest of my life_

Shawn then watched her some more and couldn't stop watching her. Between him watching her and the clock the hours ticked by fast. He was upset because her parents were not able to come because apparently they didn't deem it serious enough to come home from their trip to Europe. Finally Shawn smiled, as it was 5 minutes till the 24-hour mark. If she made it through the last 5 minutes there was a good chance she was going to pull through. He watched the clock and listened to her heart monitor as he held her hand.

"Come on baby you can do this your stronger then this." He whispered to her as he watched her brushing her hair out of her face. But he was shocked when he saw her eyes open.

"Hey." He said to her with a smile and a light kiss on the lips.

"I don't have long." She told him.

"What do you mean?" he asked her obviously worried.

"Just listen." She said and he was quiet and did.

"I love you Shawn hunter more then words can describe. You're my everything and you always will be. I will watch over you all the time heaven knows how much I liked watching you in the shower." She said as she laughed a little at her own joke and he smiled at her.

"Yeah I think a shower is in order for both of us when we get you out of here." He said trying to lighten the situation but realizing he was failing miserably.

She brushed his cheek lightly "I won't be coming out of here Shawn. I love you I always will and I'm sorry about all of this and stuff. The day I found you and Angela in bed together I was coming to tell you first off that my parents were going to give us money to go on a cruise for spring break and also to tell you that I was pregnant with your child. I'm sorry I ever stepped in and ruined your life Shawn. Forgive me for all of this and I love you don't forget me." She said to him as she brushed his cheek and he bent down to kiss her. After the kiss he heard the heart monitor's shrill tone telling him that she was gone.

"Alexis. Lexi. Baby don't leave me please I love you to much and I'm sorry I screwed up." He said as he held her hand and the doctors came rushing in and attempted to revive her but to no avail. Alexis Josephine Harrison was gone. Shawn stayed in the hall and finally slid down the wall with his head in his hands and cried. For Alexis. For his lost child. For the fact that he screwed up. He called her parents and they were ballistic when he told her she was gone and the harsh reality that they didn't believe how serious it was came crashing down on them. Shawn also called the rest of the gang and let them in on what happened and stuff and he could easily here Topanga break down.

The next few days went by in a blur as Alexis's parents came home and planned the funeral for their only child. The day of the funeral Shawn dressed in his all black suit because of the fact not only was he giving her eulogy but he was also the head pallbearer. His speech was all planned out and he knew exactly what he was going to say. He then grabbed his black Jacket just in case it was chilly and went to meet up with topanga, Cory, Jack, Eric, Alyssa and Lindsey. They were all taking 2 cars there so it was easier on the people who had to drive and the people who were to emotionally devastated to do something as simple as drive.

As they pulled up at the funeral home, Cory helped Topanga who was very devastated over the event considering that this was one of her newest and most trustworthy best friends. She had and would never speak to Angela again after what happened with her and Shawn and how they hurt Alexis. She was still even mad at Shawn over the whole ordeal but she realized now how much that Alexis meant to him and he realized that he had indeed screwed up horribly this time. Alyssa clung to Eric and Lindsey did the same to Jack. This was one of their girls. One of theirs and Topanga's best friends and it bothered all three girls to know what had happened and the fact that maybe deep down the could have prevented it if they would have been looking for the right stuff. The group walked in the funeral home and walked right up to the casket. Shawn was first and it was then for the first time in the life of Shawn hunter that he collapsed in front of his friends.

"I'm so sorry Lexi." He sobbed as he sat on his knees in front of the casket now not sure if he could stand up because the weight might not hold on his legs. Cory watched him and put an arm around his best friend and the gang also surrounded Shawn with hugs and support. Cory helped him over to a chair where he could sit and chill for a few minutes before he had to give the eulogy. The rest of the gang also sat because the service was about to start.

The priest went up to the podium and began to speak and within minutes it was Shawn's turn. Shawn got up on weak knees and went to the podium. He looked around at the crowd of people and smiled seeing just how much Alexis was loved. Whether it is by friends or family or just people at school.

"For those of you who don't know me I'm Shawn hunter. Lexi's ex boyfriend. I loved Lexi and I still do but I screwed up and for that I have to understand that I'm not gonna get a second chance. When Lexi was around the sun shone the brightest in my life. She was always there when I needed her. Whether it be on homework or if I was just having a bad day where I felt like brooding. She never let me brood those and I could never be mad at her for that. Cuz she would always find a way to make my day better. The first time I met her was when she walked into Mr. Feeny's psyche class at the beginning of last year. She was walking with Topanga and I in the due process before she came in ha just broken up with my now ex girlfriend before Lexi. That day was also one of my brooding days but Lexi wouldn't let me have it. She came all the way to my dorm room to talk to me and wouldn't give up on me till I talked to her. Finally I did and I discovered the most perfect, beautiful intelligent woman I would ever know for the rest of my life. No one could out top Lexi in my book. She was my angel. My everything and she always will be. Well Lexi baby this one for you. I love you and I will never forget you so don't forget about me. I found this and it made me think of you and how I feel about you. So while your up there probably chilling with my dad listen to this cuz its all I need to be said, well said in a way I can finally tell you." Shawn said to the crowd as he pulled out a stereo remote to the stereo he had hooked up the day before when it was a private family showing. He then pressed play and the sounds of Boyz II Men filled the air. He also then motioned to Cory who had helped Shawn put together a slide show of her last year on this earth. Cory started the slide show as Shawn started the music. The first slide was a picture of her and Shawn laying on the couch and it read Alexis Josephine Harrison December 12th 1983-November 26th 2004

_How do I say goodbye to what we had_

A pic of all the girls dressed up to go to a party

_The good times the made us laugh out weigh the bad_

A picture of the gang playing tackle football and Alexis had greasepaint under her eyes

_I'd thought we'd get to see forever_

A pic of her and Shawn sleeping. Alexis laying on his chest and his arm around her.

_But forever's gone away_

A pic she had taken of Shawn in the suit he wore now. It was a black no collar shirt with black pants and she thought he looked sexy in it.

_Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday_

A pic of Lexi sitting on Topanga's lap goofing off.

_I don't know where this road is going to lead_

A pic of when Shawn got down on one knee and gave Lexi her promise ring and promised her he would love her forever.

_All I know is where we've been_

A pic of topanga, Lindsey, Alyssa and Lexi all sleeping on the floor of Jack and Eric's apartment during one of their "gang" parties

_And what we've been through_

A pic of Lexi and Shawn attacking each other with whipped cream

_If we get to see tomorrow_

A pic of Lexi eating chocolate ice cream

_I hope it's worth all the wait_

A pic of Alyssa, lexi and Lindsey

_It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday_

A pic of Lexi just goofing off

_And I'll take with me the memories_

A pic of the gang in Cancun for spring break the year before

_To be my sunshine after the rain_

A pic of Shawn giving Lexi a piggyback ride

_It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday_

A pic of Lexi spraying Cory with silly string

_And I'll take with me the memories_

A pic of Eric and Jack dog piling Lexi

_To be my sunshine after the rain_

A pic of Shawn pushing Lexi on the swings

_It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday_

A pic of Topanga, cory, Shawn, lexi, Jack, Lindsey, Eric and Alyssa all together in front of a limo all dressed up pretty go to out to eat to celebrate Shawn and Lexi's engagement

Then an exert of a certain song was also added into the CD that went with the pictures.

_You're there by my side in every way_

Shawn and Lexi just hanging out

_I know that you would not forsake me_

Lexi and Shawn sleeping on the couch

_I give you my life_

Lexi and Shawn all dressed up for dinner

_Would not think twice _

Lexi and Shawn laying on the floor watching TV

_Your love is all I need_

Shawn and Lexi watching the fireworks

_Believe me_

Shawn and Lexi arguing

_I may not say it quite as much as I should _

Shawn and Lexi kissing

_But when I say I love you darlin _

Shawn and Lexi-candid shot

_That means for good_

Shawn and Lexi hanging out in the student center

_So open up your heart and let me in_

Shawn and Lexi studying

_And I will love you till forever_

Shawn and Lexi laying on a picnic blanket at one of the gangs picnics in the park

_Until death do us part_

Shawn proposing to Lexi

_We'll be together_

Lexi holding Shawn as he cried over his dad's death

_So take my hand _

Shawn and Lexi waiting for news on Shawn's dad

_And hold on tight_

Shawn and Lexi eating ice cream

_And we'll get there_

A picture of Shawn with his hands around Lexi's waist and his hands resting on her stomach as they stood under the tree where the two carved their names

_This I swear_

Lexi in her wedding dress at the bridal store

Shawn was going to play one last thing but he wanted to explain it first.

"This next song is a song that Lexi always sang to me because she said it reminded her of me. I just so happened to have been able to get her into a friends basement who has recording equipment and was able to make this CD of her singing this song that meant so much to her. Shawn then hit play and the strains of Alexis's beautiful voice filled the room. The song was called "When You Say Nothing at All" Originally by Allison Krauss. But this time it was done by Alexis.

_Its amazing how you can speak right to my heart_

_Without saying a word _

_You can light up the dark_

_Try as I may I could never explain_

_What I hear when you don't say a thing_

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

_There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me_

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall_

_You say it best when you say nothing at all_

_All day long I can hear people talking about_

_But when you hold me near you drown out the crowd_

_Oh Mr. Webster could never define what's being said between your heart and mine_

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

_Theirs a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me_

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall_

_You say it best when you say nothing at all_

The song then faded out and when Shawn looked around there was not a dry eye in the place.

"The second song I played for you was our song. It was called "This I Swear" by Nick Lachey. I loved Lexi very much and I know many other people loved her too and this crowd proves that to me. But we can't be selfish and not allow her to go to her final resting to the one man that was always number one in her heart. Gods got a perfect angel up there with him and I for one say he's one lucky guy to get to keep company with Lexi,' Shawn said as he looked up at the ceiling "Lexi baby I'll miss you and I love you don't forget bout me and all these people who came here to show you they cared." Shawn said as he blew a kiss to the heavens and walked away from the podium and into a seat next to Topanga.

"She would have liked that ya know." Topanga told him.

"I know." Shawn said as he listened to the rest of the service. But he nearly broke down again, as it was time to lay her casket in the ground. To put her in the earth with all the bugs she hated. He thanked god that there was a seal to go around her casket so the bugs couldn't get to her beautiful body. He would come visit her every day to make sure she didn't get lonely. And when it was time to walk away he did with the help of Cory and Topanga after laying a single rose on her grave. But what he didn't know is that there was a miracle waiting to happen around the next corner, well not literally of course but that's a whole other story.


End file.
